Wednesday, 30 October 2013

My Writing Today


Once, there was a peaceful, sunny day in Bangkok, Thailand. The sun was shining. The blue skies were filled with white clouds. Birds were singing. Cars were moving down the streets, with the buildings standing tall, and the roads and streets was filled with fresh air. There was also a man called Philip. He was a miserable man who always had a straight face. He never liked the streets, all going to be filled up with car gas and petrol. Philip had black hair and wore black clothing. He would always walk through the streets, seeing rubbish thrown everywhere.

Then, everything changed. Quiet. The birds weren’t singing or chirping at all. Small earthquakes made cracks on the grounds. Cars stopped. All Philip heard was the sound of water violently coming. “What is that?” Philip mumbled. He was being a little scared, so he started walking back home. Then he heard the crashing of water, coming towards the city. He stood still, watching the 30 feet wave coming near. It was as tall as the buildings, busting down trees and destroying houses. Boats and other debris were on the tsunami, like they were stuck on it. People run out of their cars, screaming. “Oh my!” said a lady with her children, gasping at the humongous tidal wave. “You should come with me.” Philip said to the lady.

After communicating to the lady, Philip grabbed her by her arms, while the other was holding her two children. “Hurry!” he exclaimed. He looked back. BOOM! CRASH! The tsunami has now hit the city, bumping into the buildings, crashing down to the ground. Looking back at the worst disaster they’ve seen, Philip and the others began running as fast as the wind. They luckily came to Philip’s home, all stone and hard like rocks. Phillip and the rest went into the house. They were lucky to be just in time, because the tidal wave is spreading. Through the roads and streets. After a few hours, it all became quiet, again. “I think were all right.” Philip claimed. Houses were destroyed and powerlines were struck. Trees were everywhere, but Philip and the others were safe. “Thank you.” the children spoke, and they safely made their way to somewhere more safe, because the power lines were a huge risk.

1 comment:

Danisha said...

* One thing I love about your narrative story is you used heaps of punctuation correctly and you had a lot of speaking in your narrative.

* My favourite sentence of your story was " The blue skies were filled with white clouds.

* One thing I think you could work on next time is probably.... I don't think anything is wrong with your story, your story is amazing.

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